Slow Hands
by ro0nil wazlib
Summary: "She left him behind - all of them behind - and intended to keep it that way. But things never seem to work out the way she plans it." a Jackass/Viva la Bam story.


_There's pretty much no Jackass fics on here because neither Jackass nor Viva la Bam are listed, but I'm writing this for Quizilla so I figured - why not put it here too? Just in case anyone is looking. xoxo, Dany. _

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_Okay, let's keep this simple; I do intend to live my life on the straight side. It's who I am and it's who you aren't. I can, I can see you clearer, when you're not lying underneath it all, and I can't see your complexion. And I know your heart, the way you choose – you always want what's best for you. But I'm standing here with crying eyes – I still see through your disguise. _

I leaned back into the couch, crossing my arms. He sat on the recliner, bowing forward with his elbows on his knees and his head bent, palms pressed into his closed eyes. He hadn't spoken in over an hour and I was getting jittery and nervous; my whole body was buzzing, my stomach heavy with dread. I could feel it coming from a mile off but I didn't want to look it in the eye. I couldn't acknowledge its existence at all because I didn't want to see it happen. I was trying my hardest, but it wasn't enough anymore.

"Can you please just look at me?" I asked softly. He shook his head slowly and I grimaced. It was almost like a slap in the face, but this stung more than anything he could do to me physically.

I sighed. "I really ... don't want to do this. Can we please not do this? It's not fair!"

He looked up at me then. "It's not _fair_? For _who_?" There was no trace of the smile that I'd gotten so used to on his face. There was no more laughing, no more jokes, and the light I'd once seen in his eye was extinguished like a stepped-on lightening bug.

"For me!" I was finally shouting. I'd never yelled at him before, not out of anger, but I was so frustrated ... I just didn't know what to do anymore. "You're always off drinking, or doing your damn TV show ..."

"SO I CAN LIVE!" He rocketed out of the chair and was in front of my face so fast I could hardly let out a breath. He grabbed my upper arms, his fingers digging into me. Once these hands had secretly caressed every inch of my body, and now they were used against me, to hurt me and make me scared.

"I need the show to make fucking money!"

"And you need the booze and the drugs to live too I guess," I said, not nearly as bravely as before. All I wanted was to wrap my arms around his bare, tattooed chest and hold him as close to me as he could possibly get. I wanted to lie down and fall asleep with him, and wake him up with kisses and have him smile at me again, like I was the sun and without me his day was nothing but rain and clouds.

_And I know things have been going on, you know you can't erase your sin, and now you can't see your reflection. I know that your heart is breaking, but is it as torn as mine? You've already made it known, how much you lie is what you've shown; everything inside my head won't leave me alone. _

He pushed me away from him. I stumbled but stayed on my feet, wrapping my arms around my stomach and letting the tears flow freely from my eyes, down my cheeks and off my chin. If I wiped them away more would just take their place anyway. This wasn't the man I fell in love with. This was all the things he made himself, not who he really was. He wasn't mine when he was like this.

"You're too ... fucking young," he said, his back to me, and I swore I could feel my heart crack. He'd never said that to me before. While everyone was telling me I was too little, not old enough, that I'd understand later ... he never joined in. He said I was mature for my age, that I was perfect for him exactly how I was and I could do everything that anyone else could do.

But instead of breaking down, like I wanted to so badly, I tried my best to steel myself until I could just go home and be completely destroyed. I finally wiped my face and clenched my fists, staring at the back of his head, hoping he could feel it.

"Fine," I said. "Perfectly fine. Good luck on your movie. It's all you care about anyway."

I stomped out of the room and to the foyer. He didn't call after me. When I put on my shoes I didn't hear his footsteps, and he didn't run after me when I slammed the door and walked out into the night, all by myself.

_I never meant for you to choose, you should have known better. There's nothing left for you to lose; when you looked at me you said you had it all. But what you did, it's not unforgivable. I never meant for you to choose, you should have known better. There's nothing left for you to lose; when you looked at me you said you had it all. But what you did, it's not unforgivable. Unforgivable. _


End file.
